The Words To Say Goodbye
by the-zeppo
Summary: A different version of GD. What if Angel *had* said goodbye?


Title: The Words to Say Goodbye  
  
Author: The Zeppo  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine  
  
Author's Note: Lyrics by Alicia Keys, the song is called "Goodbye"  
  
Feedback: Pretty please? slayage@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: A different version of Graduation Day. What if Angel had said goodbye?  
  
"I'm going to see to Wesley, see if he's...still whimpering," Giles says to me, suppressing a laugh as he walks off to Wesley's ambulance.  
  
The dense smoke rising from above the school is enough to make me cough when I inhale. The fact that we actually turned the mayor to demon meat is actually quite astonishing to me. It seemed so easy, a little too easy, not that I'm complaining of course. I guess the people of Sharpsville just didn't have the firepower to stop the last Ascension.  
  
I look around me, look for him, fear crawling up my spine, through my bones. I'm not sure whether the fact that he might already be gone frightens me, or that I might have to say goodbye.  
  
I think the latter is in the lead.  
  
Suddenly, an all-too-familiar feeling is in my gut, taking control of the fear for a moment. He's here, somewhere, watching me. I turn around and am finally able to lock eyes with him. He's just standing there, beside the fire truck, gazing at me with those beautiful eyes of his.  
  
Eyes that may never again look upon me.  
  
//How do you love someone  
  
That hurts you oh so bad  
  
With intentions good  
  
Was all he ever had//  
  
I know what he wants to do. He wants to just turn around and leave, to not have to say goodbye. I can't let him do that, I won't. I attempt to suppress my fears, as I will my legs to move towards him.  
  
They do.  
  
He watches me as my steps toward him only bring our goodbye closer, and when I finally reach my place in front of him, I see the look of anguish in his eyes. It's a look that tells me he never wants to say that word to me, that word with such finality to it.  
  
I think I'd die if I heard it.  
  
//But how do I let go when I've  
  
Loved him for so long and I've  
  
Given him all that I could  
  
Maybe love is a hopeless crime Giving up what seems your lifetime  
  
What went wrong with something once so good//  
  
We simply stand there for a moment, facing each other, and I want to memorize his features, every single one. Surprisingly enough, he is the first one to speak.  
  
"I need you to promise me something, Buffy." His voice is strained, his tears are imminent, as are mine.  
  
"Anything," I whisper back, still looking into his eyes with wonder, perhaps at the same time trying to find the words to say to him what I so badly need to say.  
  
"Live." That is all he says.  
  
//How do you find the words to say  
  
To say goodbye  
  
If your heart don't have the heart to say  
  
To say goodbye//  
  
"Tell me how," I say after a moment, tears finally cascading down my bloodied cheeks. I see one trace a river down one of his as well, and I reach up and wipe it away with tender fingers. He closes his eyes.  
  
"Find someone who deserves you...but never forget what we had." I want so desperately to tell him that he does deserve me, that he's the best man I know, that I will ever know, but I know my attempts would be futile. He doesn't know what a good man he is, and I finally realize that, if for no other reason, I need to let him go to find that out for himself.  
  
That's the only way he'll ever find peace.  
  
//I know now I was naïve  
  
Never knew where this would lead  
  
And I'm not trying to take away  
  
From the good man that he is//  
  
We don't say 'I love you'. We both know how we feel, and expressing that out loud would only serve to make the pain that much worse. But he does reach for my hand, and twines our fingers tightly together. He reaches up with his other and gently places it under my chin, gliding his thumb so gently across my lips. He slowly leans forward towards me and presses his lips against mine ever so softly, but only for a moment. It's the most bittersweet kiss I've ever tasted or ever will.  
  
I savor it.  
  
//But how do I let go when I've  
  
Loved him for so long and I've  
  
Given him all that I could  
  
Was it something wrong that we did  
  
Because others infiltrated  
  
What went wrong with something once so good//  
  
He breaks our contact abruptly, knowing he can't stay, and knowing that the longer we touch, the weaker his will becomes.  
  
He turns around and walks away.  
  
//Is this the end are you sure  
  
How should you know when you've never been here before  
  
It's so hard to just let go  
  
When this is the one and only love I've ever known//  
  
I watch him.  
  
//So how do you find the words to say  
  
To say goodbye  
  
If your heart don't have the heart to say  
  
  
  
To say goodbye//  
  
THE END 


End file.
